Month: October 2018

Having asked the question “How do we stop the madness?” that our world is experiencing right now, I have been challenged to show how to do what I assert in that post. So, here is a lesson plan for reaching across the aisles, your streets in your neighborhood, reaching into the mosque down the street or the synagogue in your community, or the church that is very different from yours. It is a way for those of you from differing political groups to reach out and discover the neighbors beyond your political “side.” It is a way for one neighborhood to get to know those neighbors they didn’t realize they had…because they’ve been afraid of the differences. Have some fun with this…even though you may be nervous at first. How do we engage the people who are “Other” to us?

FIRST STEP: Get together with some people you do know…close friends, Sunday School Class members, yoga classmates, jogging partners, whoever you count as trusted in your life. Read the post “How do we stop the madness?”

SECOND STEP: Talk among yourselves about what strikes you first about the post. Do you agree? Do you find it offensive? Does it make your mind race with ideas or make you realize that you have yet identified fears? Have a GENTLE conversation…

THIRD STEP: Now comes the real challenge. Is there a group of “Other” that you do not really know? That you have never really sat down with and talked with? Is it your new neighbor with a skin color or a culture different from you? Is there a woman in your neighborhood who wears head-covering that you have never spoken to because she is “Other”? Is there a man who wears a yarmulke or some other traditional head-covering that you avoid because he is different? Is there a faith-community different from yours down the street or across the subdivision that you think of differently because they are “Other”? Identify these “Others” in your proximity.

FOURTH STEP: What could you do to reach out your hands to them? To invite them into a conversation, to a shared meal, or perhaps even a traditional afternoon “tea.” There are less dietary restrictions of the sweet things in life than there are on the meat, etc. If you are inviting a different culture group, do some homework to find out what is “kosher” in their world. (You know…coffee, tea, homemade cookies, cupcakes, something cheery.) Of if your group is of a culture not typically “American”, what is a way you could invite your more typically American neighbors in to meet them, talk with them, and break the ice? (I think of Turkish berek with coffee, or the crisp little cookies I remember from Turkish bakeries–the melt-in-your-mouth buttery ones…Every culture has sweets for special occasions.) Pick an event (the who, what, where, how, and when)…make it special…write the invitations. (Yes. Write the invitations…make them beautiful like this is the most important thing you have ever done.) Make sure you give the contact information for an RSVP. (That’s French for respond, if you please. Yes, we can come. No, we cannot but we’d love reschedule…You get the idea.)

FIFTH STEP:  Set up your space for the event. Create an atmosphere of real welcome. Keep it simple, but make it look intentional, filled with care and concern, and love. (Remember, love is not necessarily an emotion. It is first an action. The warm, fuzzy feelings often come AFTER the action.) If there will be children, prepare some traditional games for them to play.

SIXTH STEP: Keep this first meeting light and friendly. Have name tags for everyone to wear. Nothing is more intimidating that trying to remember everyone’s name. Keep the questions filled with care and gentleness. (For instance, do not start off saying something that divides the room. “So, why are you so different from us?” Good heavens! That’s an event ender.) Here are some sample ways to open up a get-to-know-you conversation. 1) We want to make an opportunity to get to know you…and for you to get to know us. We’ve prepared some special treats for you and hope you like them. 2) This particular cookie was a favorite of _________________. She will tell you about them. (My grandmother used to make these when I was a child. I always loved them. I hope you do, too. –keep it simple) Do you have a childhood food that you remember that made you feel happy? 2) Show them around the space. Share what makes you happy in this space. Ask them if they have a favorite place that makes them feel safe and secure. If there are children present, make sure they are welcomed and that they have activities to do together. Games are good ice-breakers, but so are art projects…Hint: Adults like art projects, too. It is way to work side-by-side and talk, too. It is non-threatening.

SEVENTH STEP: Do it. Enjoy it. Take it slow and watch what happens. The goal is to make new friends, learn about folks who are different, and discover how much alike we really are. At subsequent meetings, float the idea of doing something together…a project. There are many ideas for this: 1) a relay for life event. (All are, unfortunately, touched by cancer, illness.) 2) collecting something to help someone else…a local food bank, a local clothing bank, a children’s hospital in your locality, a PTA organization where the children present are all touched…you get the idea.

EIGHTH STEP: At some point, after the groups in question have gotten to know each other and “broken the ice,” perhaps you could work together to have an event where you learn about each other through presentations. The presentations aren’t about convincing, converting, or winning. They are strictly “This is who we are” presentations. If is fun to discover there traditions and faith come from. Sometimes, we discover common or shared roots…but most often, whatever happens, we end up understanding each other better.

NINTH STEP: Keep it going. Make your gatherings a new “tradition.” Look for ways of inviting new “Others” in. Make it your mission to know those around you. .. to connect with them in simple ways… and to discover all those “friends” you have not met yet.

TENTH STEP: When you have established this new friendship, reach out to your local mayor, city council, local congressperson (state or federal) etc. Invite them to come and discover something beautiful…a group of people who are very different who have discovered that they have more in common than they ever thought possible. Our politicians need us to remind them of that, instead of telling us how to hate each other because we are different!

And remember! This takes time. It takes effort. It takes VISION. And we can do this together.

My friends know that I am fascinated and informed by Systems Psychology. It is a very useful “school” in the study of our pysche (individual and collective). A system is defined as any two or more people involved together in some fashion…as in a marriage/family, a church, a classroom, any organization, and government, etc. When a system, whatever it is, becomes controlled or consumed by some anxiety, it becomes dysfunctional. It cannot function “rationally” because the angst has dulled rational thought, normal behavior, and normal discourse.

We see this in our country right now. After “9/11”, I remember telling my husband that if our leaders didn’t do something very quickly to quell the consequential anxiety after that day, we would eat ourselves alive from the inside out. Unfortunately, what we’ve seen bears witness to this phenomenon. It begins unnoticed. The anxiety roots itself deep in the heart of the system. As it grows, individuals within the system will unconsciously look for places to release their anxiety. These “targets” are necessary to quell anxiety. Countries will find “enemies” both without and within (for instance, “immigrants” and/or “bad trade partners” and/or “that country”). Political parties will more and more often place blame for conditions on the “other party” (for instance, Democrats are the reason our country is in such a mess…Republicans are the reason…). Politicians and/or presidents might choose either individuals or other systems on which to assign blame for the underlying anxiety (for instance, “Fake News”, or the previous president, or the “fixed system” or the “deep state”…) And for the public, those individuals or systems on which blame is placed become the things we hate, or malign, or wish ill on. You get the idea.

What we see happening today in our country is classic systems dysfunction. And unfortunately, our current leaders have become a huge part of an ongoing problem–both consciously and unconsciously. Our leaders (who are really supposed to be representatives for us) know that the general public is anxious. And for some of them, it plays into their future plans. All those in positions of power know that to control the numbers and those voting, you use fear and blame. You give some kind of voice to the anxiety of the group you wish to control. (And it doesn’t matter if it is a good voice, a helpful voice, a voice that lifts us to our best, instead of encouraging our basest instincts for survival at all costs.) Our politicians have been doing a masterful job of it. If you want a group to follow you, blame the other groups and divide the public. If you espouse “right-winged” ideas, blame the left. If you espouse “left-winged” ideas, blame the right. You get the idea! If you want to really enlarge your tent for more people, pit the average “Joe” against every group you can think of…immigrants (who are taking YOUR jobs), the “Fake News” who has been LYING to you all along–and you can only trust me, this alliance over here that has been “stealing from us” all along (they really aren’t our friends), or even claiming history has been “unfair” and we have been hurt by it. (Make the public feel like they are victims of something or some one…) Over time then, you grow your own power through slowly dividing and conquering, dividing and weakening, dividing and giving permission to hate the “Other.”

At this moment, a reader might wish to consider all the “targets” created in politics over the last seventeen years. Of course, it is nothing new. But, the artfulness of the practice has increased exponentially…and the general public responds predictably. It is rather frightening.

A malignant narcissist, such at the current president, whether consciously or unconsciously, knows how to manipulate the public. He explains over and over again how to do it in his books. He is a master at using his own negative behavior to so knock off balance his opponents in business and in life, that he can predict their responses. He is diabolically good at it. We see it every day. If one wishes a certain response from the general public, one publishes in the media some vile vitriol…a personal attack on someone viewed as stupid, horsefaced, incompetent… Or perhaps a person isn’t on the daily agenda. Perhaps it is a group– the political opposition party (the Democrats), a federal office that isn’t kowtowing quite enough (the Judiciary and the attorney general)…and that list goes on forever. If one doesn’t like those who protest against you, invite others to do them bodily harm and then offer to help them out with legal fees…or compliment one who body-slams a reporter and encourage others to do the same. If one doesn’t like what a woman says or one who stands up against you, just lump them all together and collectively grab their genitalia and show the world how useless women are unless they serve you quietly. (Our current “leader”, and I use that term loosely, doesn’t like strong women. They get in his way and don’t appear to like him much either. He needs those who adore him…who kowtow…either unknowing sycophants, or power-hungry bandwagon-riders. He doesn’t seem to care, as long as they nod in agreement, praise his every action, and lick his boots when they get a bit dirty.)

A public that has succumbed to anxiety, that pervasive, crippling angst I spoke of above, ceases to be able to recognize a manipulator. They have ceased to be able to ask questions that move them through a mess to the other side. They have ceased to recognize dysfunction. They have ceased to understand that in order to change the current situation, we must speak out against the manipulations, vitriol and nastiness, vote, act against those would do harm to fellow human beings, and elect those who can work FOR US collectively–to block the nonsense. (Someone like Kasich comes to mind. When he speaks, we need to listen. At this moment, he is a lone voice among many sycophants…)

(See this article about a time years ago when something terribly similar was happening and the public missed their collective chance to come against it and stop it. https://www.zeit.de/wissen/geschichte/2017-02/adolf-hitler-chancellor-appointment-anniversary/komplettansicht)

My concerns are many. Our media isn’t very schooled at out-manuevering a master manipulator like Trump. I’ve gotten so when he tweets over here, I tend to look over there. He is not only very good at manipulating, he and his minions are masters at distraction. Listen to their interviews. It is rare that his minions give straight, on-point answers. Kelley Anne Conway is very good at this. Very disturbing. The “real” news media must be tearing out their hair. The fast and loose use of “facts” is tremendously perplexing, but seems to be working. It is classic. The anxious public cannot and does not recognize truth anymore. The general public seems confused, even weary of it all. And those in our “free press” seem to be losing ground in spreading truth, versus the “alternate facts” so loved by our current “leader.”

When our current master is tweeting over here, or criticizing over there, what is really going on behind all the nonsense? I keep wondering about this. What is Congress up to? Are they getting anything done that helps the public without overtly benefiting the party in power right now? Is all the hype about what the Republicans want to do to our Social Security true, or is it the left’s attempt to make us afraid? What is really going on with the poor families torn asunder by a heartless government more concerned with a wall than human suffering? (And when did America become this heartless bottom-feeder so unconcerned with the plight of those less fortunate than we are? When did that happen?) What are WE doing about eroding voters’ rights for the African-Americans, Hispanics and others in lower-income areas living in Georgia? What is being done for the voting rights of our Original American citizens (the Native Americans) as they are forced to get proof of their addresses from tribal leaders before going to vote because, on reservations, their address system is not like the rest of America!? (It is an extra step that is NOT required of everyone else because our ID’s have our addresses on them. Not so on tribal lands.) How can our free press keep up with all the “stuff” that is going on right now? How can you and I?

You may wonder why I ask all these questions. One of the classic techniques of helping an individual return to rational thinking is through questions. It actually helps pull the mind back into what it is created to do…ask questions and solve problems. It is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom (although problem-solving is not unique to humans–look at primates, some birds, etc.) The ability to solve complex problems is the very gift humans have that is so necessary at this moment. WE CAN FIND A SOLUTION to the problem(s) at hand. All we have to do is start asking questions, invite others into the thought-process, and slowly but surely work our way out of this mess TOGETHER.

It seems so simple, and it is such a huge task. It is our collective challenge right now. We must snap out of the world-wide epidemic of angst. It will drive us into a World War Three, just like the angst festering before World War One and Two drove humans to self-destructive behavior. I pray we don’t need carnage to snap us out of the angst that is growing all over the world…The United States, Germany, Sweden, Brazil, to name just a few countries. And the way to do this is to keep asking questions…pushing the search for answers…and for those of us who see what is happening to never allow anyone to silence us.

We cannot be silenced. We cannot because there are others waiting in the wings…to pounce at the right moment. The United States has acted as a sort of “protector” in times past. Whether or not we are really good at it or even have earned the right to “protect” with our own sordid history remains to be seen. It is certainly the subject of another essay. But right now, we are so dysfunctional that we are losing sight of those who need us around the world. We are so busy licking our own touted wounds, or kowtowing to those who are convincing us we are world’s victim, that we are losing sight of those who are truly suffering here and abroad.

It is hard for me to concentrate on how damaged big business is by world trade practices when I look at the number of children who go to bed hungry every night, or the number of homeless people worldwide. “Big business” is called “big business” because they are big, and successful, and have sustained themselves long enough to be called “big”. It is hard for me to feel sorry for Trump’s family business woes when I think of those who are unemployed and underemployed…and number of those who have worked for his companies/projects who never got paid because of legal wrangling. If Trump is everything he says he is, then he’s never been a victim of anything…although perhaps he has left in his wake many victims.

We cannot be silenced. Those true victims are more numerous every day. In the wake of the last few days, the shootings, bomb-sendings, attacks on the Other…we must speak out against power that give permission to the basest of evil human traits. We can end the madness, but it won’t be easy. We must reach across aisles and streets and neighbors…and grab hands and hearts. 

I have many questions. My mind has not been silenced. My voice is perhaps quite faint…but my spirit mighty. We’re not finished yet…although we are in danger of becoming the “failed American experiment” that shone brightly for a spell and is in danger of flickering out. Why would we allow that to happen? What can we do to work together to turn around the ship? Can we find a way to look across aisles and streets and neighborhoods and see God in each other’s eyes, to feel compassion instead of fear for those who are different, and to quell the angst and to cease the madness?

I think so…I hope so…

I need to stop reading about what is going on in our world. I keep thinking enough folks who can see what it happening will begin to speak out and say, “Oh, yeah. We need to turn this ship around!” But that isn’t happening. I keep waking up sure that I’ve arrived in some strange twilight zone where truth is now fiction, light is now darkness, and sensibility is really foolishness. Civility is gone. Intellectual debate has been transformed into insults, rude vitriole, and vomit-like spittle. What used to make sense is now insanity focused on light hair, a bad tan, and legs. The anxiety in our society has reached such a fever-pitch that we are grasping at nonsense for solutions, following as outlier like a savior, and accepting the unacceptable.The twilight zone is here. The outer limits has become our reality. And I’ve got to quit reading the news, hoping to see something change. We have a turned a corner and are heading straight for disaster.