Category: Random Thoughts

Last week, my husband and I had the pleasure of taking my parents and sister on a cruise to the Caribbean. They thoroughly enjoyed the cruise and fun was had by all. As we enjoyed the ship, the service and the smiles of the crew, I spent private mental time reflecting about the hospitality industry involved in the art of “the cruise.”

Crew members are taught the value of and trained in the art of customer service. They learn well how to do their tasks and to make customer service a real part of everything they do. From the moment one drives into the port area and begins that initial adventure of wading through security and registration, every last person is working to make your experience positive. Having cruised seven times, I remain enchanted with the process and with the people that I’ve met on board these grand cruise liners.

I enjoy looking around and studying the people who cruise. Beautiful people gather with their families, speaking every language imaginable. These families and individuals have come from all over the world to enjoy this week (or whatever the length). They are excited, perhaps a bit bewildered by the whole process, and yet looking forward to setting feet on the ship.

If one can listen through the din, one can hear many languages. Spanish, French, Italian, German, Dutch, the various Scandinavian languages, British English, Australian English, Scottish English, Irish English…and yes, even American English. The many port staff members do their best to herd us all through to the point of registration where we can get our “set-sail-passes” and get on board.

This time, we spoke with an elderly gentleman who was herding us through, pointing people to the best lines or the next lines. The queue wound its way this way and that, back and forth, as each “almost-passenger” got closer and closer to their destination. This gentleman looked tired. Just before we got close to him, there was a family that really let him have it. They were so vile and ugly that I felt sorry for the man. And, much to my chagrin, they were Americans. What a great visual for all the guests to take back to their respective homes…an American behaving badly and bullying an elderly man whose sole purpose was to direct and move along the passengers.

I felt heartsick. Why is such ugliness necessary? Everyone else seemed to be able to wade through the queue with some sort of aplomb…some sort of decorum befitting the gentle-people all around. And yet, this family found it necessary to be rude in front of everyone. Ugh!

When we got close enough to him, I asked him “How are you?” He smiled. I commented, “You must feel your job thankless sometimes?” He smiled again, and this time he nodded. I reached over and hugged him and said, “Thank you for your service to us and your patience with ugly people.” He hugged me back and said, “It’s always us Americans who are rude…never the foreigners.”

I winced. Here is a man who works with thousands of people daily. He makes many observations along the way, and that is what he had to say. My heart fell. My spirit was buffeted.

What has happened to us as a country that gives any one of us permission to behave poorly to anyone else? I remember as a little girl learning about the concept of “the ugly American.” My father was privileged with a State Department assignment to Ankara, Turkey. We lived there 1967, 1968 and 1969. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of Ankara. Before we moved there, Mother sat us down and gave us quite a “talkin-to.” She told us that we were to behave there as she had always expected us to, but with even more emphasis that we treat the people kindly, eat whatever was offered (I learned to eat eggplant in a million different ways!), and to make sure we played and worked sweetly with the Turkish people. In no uncertain terms, she told us that if we misbehaved or made Daddy look bad because of our behavior, there would be severe consequences. We were NEVER to be “the ugly American.”

Alas, as a child, I saw many Americans who lived there in Ankara behave badly. I learned as a young girl about the puzzling myth of our own exceptionalism that many Americans have– that we are better than the rest of the world, smarter, more clever… And worse yet, there seemed to be the assumption by some Americans could walk all over “other people” because they were not Americans. It was sad to see over and over again. But, what a valuable lesson for me as a young girl.

There I was in this bastion of hospitality, mind reeling with memories of ugly Americans I’ve seen through the years, treating “foreigners” in an unconscionable manner…treating anyone “different” as scum… There I was, looking forward to the cruise, reminded of the hatred outside boiling and bubbling as now Americans are treating each other badly, too. Children have become bullies…as I imagine they watch their elders doing the same thing in different ways. Those who have some skewed sense of entitlement, whether from affluenza or from expecting someone else to provide for them in grand ways, have taught a whole new generation that mistreating others is “alright.” Troubling thoughts to have while looking forward to a week of cruising in the Caribbean.

Thankfully, by the time we had gotten aboard and my parents’ faces were filled with smiles, I had put aside those memories and that one unfortunate experience and given in to the “allure of the seas.” It was a great cruise. I am thankful for the magic of the cruising hospitality industry…and to the “friends” we make on every ship.

I wonder now and then about consequences. Can what we feed our minds effect our behavior and our choices? As I flip through channels and look for something uplifting to watch, I am amazed how many shows are about murder and mayhem. Television series abound about criminal behavior, public servants such as police personnel, clandestine agents, and similar subjects. In addition to these shows based on violent behavior and the supposed causes, consequences and techniques to “solve” cases, we now have shows about the “un-dead”, futuristic violence, and apocalyptic endings or near-endings. What is more perplexing to me is that these shows abound because enough people are watching them to make it profitable to air them.

I’m also fascinated by the quality of the unending news media coverage of everything from politics, jihadism, religion, violent crime, etc. It is no wonder that the American public is possibly more anxious than any other time in our history. We are inundated 24 hours a day with BAD news…bad, disdainful and slanted toward opposite-sides politics, bad news about violent crime, bad new about this and that and more bad news about something else. As the airwaves have opened up for more media, the media have found more ways to fill airspace with every piece of negative anything that they can find. And what is more perplexing is that all that bad news actually sells. We appear to like it.

What happens to our minds when they are filled with negativity every time we sit to watch something? What happens to our spirits when we are inundated with violence, negativity, hatefulness, and bias on a continual basis? As our society continues down a pathway of negativity and anxiety, how does all this affect us as human beings?

Another piece to this that I’m curious about is the notorious celebrity we attach to the people who perpetrate crimes and violent actions. Every time we advertise the face, the name, and the “reasons” behind the violence, we actually encourage others to seek that attention… Every time we splash the names of jihadists who are guilty of their crimes against us, we add to their martrydom, to their “celebrity.” We make them “famous” instead of making them nameless, faceless, pitiful examples of hatefulness. When we publish the names and faces of those who commit crimes, we give a certain satisfaction to the sick mind. In this media culture, it is too easy to confuse celebrity and fame with notoriety and infamy. We also help to spread the word about these organizations that recruit sick or marginalized individuals to join their causes.

With all of this barrage of negativity blaring at us 24/7, I wonder about the consequences. Is there a way to have an intelligent conversation about more responsible ways to report a happening without sensationalizing it, feeding into perpetrators need for recognition, and the human tendency to happily ingest all this negativity without so much as a thought?

Sometimes I don’t have the answers, but I have a lot of questions. Sometimes, I wish I could find others to talk with, to struggle with them, to listen to…there is much to ponder in life. And no one can find the answers in a vacuum…alone. All I know is this. The negativity barrage doesn’t fill me with anxiety. It makes me sad. We are better and bigger than this. But we’ve settled…for the ugliness.

Life is too precious…too sweet…I don’t want to settle anymore.

Today, I found myself in a very serious conversation with my mother. I am so grateful for her wisdom, life experience, and close proximity, now that they live so close. We talked of many things, but found our passion today focused on those young girls in the world who have no voice. This is an unhappy topic, but one free women everywhere should discuss, ponder, and concertedly search for solutions. Thousands of little girls are trapped in families whose religious practices include the unthinkable act of genital mutilation. Strapped down by their elders, they are forced to endure the removal of their clitoris. If they are “lucky,” it is done by someone who won’t mutilate them too badly. At worst, they suffer disfigurement so bad that they endure untold dysfunction for the rest of their lives. The only purpose of this evil is to rob them of any sexual pleasure…thus somehow making them more acceptable wives and bearers of children for their religious cultures. It is for control and domination. It is a deplorable and terrible practice.

No one wishes to talk about it. We free women turn blind eyes and plug our ears. We don’t want to acknowledge it, nor do we want to stop it badly enough to risk what might be necessary. In my thoughts, this problem began centuries ago when girls were first labeled as “father’s property.” Girls and wives (and all children, even boys, up to a certain age) were considered and treated as property. They had no rights, no privileges, and no protections. We still see vestiges of this in our own American culture. How many times do our pastors ask during wedding ceremonies, “Who gives this woman?” (When I was a pastor, I refused to ask that questions and indeed, taught the history behind it.) As property, the girls had to be kept pure and untainted in order to fetch the best price or to entice the best family to seek their “hands” for their sons. Different religions created spiritual reasons for this need to keep the property pure. Virginity was seen as one of the necessary requirements for the contractual passing of property from father to husband. “Who gives this woman?” was the question asked of the father as he literally put his daughter’s hand into the hand of the man chosen to be her husband and new owner of her as his property.

Women have endured all sorts of tests for virginity through the ages, including humiliating examinations of all body orifices…and in some cultures, their virginity was to be taken by the chief of the tribe…and in others, friends and colleagues got to watch the happenings on the marriage bed to attest to the woman’s discomfort and bleeding as her virginity was stolen from her. Her virginity became a kind of commodity to be bought, sold, or stolen…all ways of controlling and dominating the female.

The physical pleasure of women has often been seen as evil and the reason for wives who commit adultery, or daughters who “dishonor” their families. Indeed, in some cultures, adultery and dishonoring a family is punishable by death. Rarely is the man put to death…normally it is just the woman. In many religions, women are seen as the one who brought “sinfulness” into humankind. Just read the etiological tale in Genesis and you will see how Woman is blamed for the Sin of Humankind. In some religious cultures, the purity and control of women is so demanded that they are willing to disfigure and mutilate their women in order to control them, to constrain them, and to dominate them. It is wrong. Simply wrong.

What can women in the free world do about this? We need to speak up. We need to make each other aware that this is still being practiced…in the United States among those involved in religious cultures where it is demanded, in Europe…in the Middle East… in Africa…all over the world. And yet, there is no outcry. These little girls have no voice…no loving sister-humans who will speak for them, protect them, rescue them…

This is an uncomfortable and gross subject. It is a necessary one. It is time to talk about it…to advocate for these women and girls… TO STOP IT.

Please take a look at this link and discover 16 organizations that are working to stop this practice. Join us in the fight against it and become a voice for the voiceless.

16 Organisations, Charities and Grassroots Groups Working to Stop Female Genital Mutilation